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Viewing Needs through an Equity Lens

2020-03-10T03:25:56+00:00

At a retreat, I supported a conversation between two men who had experienced a break in connection. One man of Chinese and European descent – let’s call him Chris – shared the pain he experienced growing up in a primarily European community. He shared the taunts he had experienced, having people use slurs and language that insulted people from Chinese backgrounds, that made fun of the shape of their eyes, the tone of their skin. He was sharing this experience with a European-descent man – let’s call him Robin – to help Robin understand the needs that were going unmet [...]

Viewing Needs through an Equity Lens2020-03-10T03:25:56+00:00

Calling In, Calling Out

2020-03-10T03:16:32+00:00

In NVC circles, there are several topics that are often raised when someone behaves in a way that’s painful to another person. Discussions come up about the toxicity of shame, about how feedback that’s harsh and judgmental directly counters NVC principles. People dismiss and actively seek to repress certain types of responses as counterproductive, asserting they stimulate shaming which does not produce change. There’s discussion about the importance of seeing each person’s humanity – looking for the needs beneath the person’s behavior, and gently trying to help them find more productive ways to meet their needs. There’s a repeated implicit [...]

Calling In, Calling Out2020-03-10T03:16:32+00:00

How Do I Love Those Who Hate Me? Answering Dr. King’s Call to Love Our Enemy

2020-03-10T03:07:56+00:00

When Dr. King talked about the need to love our enemies, he identified several components to make this possible. He named developing and maintaining the capacity to forgive as a mandatory requirement to be able to love. He talked about the importance of separating the deed from the doer, in his words noting that, “the evil deed of the enemy-neighbor, the thing that hurts, never quite expresses all that he is.” Dr. King insisted that, as part of loving our enemy, we must seek not to defeat or humiliate him, even when we have the capacity to do so. But, [...]

How Do I Love Those Who Hate Me? Answering Dr. King’s Call to Love Our Enemy2020-03-10T03:07:56+00:00

Navigating the Tangle of Yes and No

2019-01-16T16:56:08+00:00

My son and his high school volleyball coach had a lot of challenges. Over two seasons, I watched as the coach mockingly imitated my son in front of a large group of spectators attending a tournament and yelled at my son at almost every game. I saw my son struggle to stay calm in front of the coach, only to cry in frustration when we got to the car. The maltreatment from the coach was relentless and, according to the teammates in their private SnapChat sessions, especially directed towards my son. At the end of his second season, I approached [...]

Navigating the Tangle of Yes and No2019-01-16T16:56:08+00:00

Renewing the Dream: Using Nonviolent Communication to Answer Dr. King’s Call for Social Change

2018-09-29T14:51:36+00:00

How can nonviolent communication help us return to the powerful vision of social change for which Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. so strongly advocated and for which he died? How can we inspire ourselves to stand up for social change? Every time I hear stories from the civil rights movement, every time I look at images from that time, I wonder how the people, ordinary people just like you and me, were able to do the things they did. I think about our current times, when so many of us feel powerless, when I hear so many people say, “I’m [...]

Renewing the Dream: Using Nonviolent Communication to Answer Dr. King’s Call for Social Change2018-09-29T14:51:36+00:00

Why don’t they get it?

2018-08-27T08:26:27+00:00

Does this seem familiar?  You’re in a meeting. Maybe it’s a workshop around equity and social justice issues, maybe it’s your community group holding a planning meeting for their next event. Pat makes a suggestion, and folks keep talking, ignoring the suggestion, proposing others. When Riley makes a similar suggestion, suddenly everyone is excitedly discussing the idea and expressing gratitude to Riley.  As you see the dejected look on Pat’s face and notice Pat has stopped talking, you feel frustrated! You’ve seen this happen with Pat and Riley many times. And you see this behavior playing out repeatedly, with people [...]

Why don’t they get it?2018-08-27T08:26:27+00:00

Including All Without Excluding Any

2018-09-29T14:51:31+00:00

By Ranjana Ariaratnam, David Johnson, Talli Jackson, and Roxy Manning This post, the final article in the WCI 2017 series, was written jointly by that year's trainers.  This article is our invitation for you to think about inclusion and interdependence, how you have experienced them (or not) in your life. We don’t purport to have definitive answers, and we are enjoying the exploration. Come explore with us! Ranji ~ We were at an NVC retreat, early on in my immersion into NVC, and I’d been trying to ask the owner of the lodge about options for people with non-mainstream dietary [...]

Including All Without Excluding Any2018-09-29T14:51:31+00:00

Tips for these uncertain times

2018-08-28T00:06:53+00:00

The events that have unfolded since the election continue to stimulate a huge amount of fear in me and those around me. I’ve had many sleepless nights since November, stemming from my children wondering if Trump’s election meant half the country did not like people of color, from colleagues applying preemptively for Canadian visas, and from my observations of what appears to be a systematic dismantling of the already limited protections for our environment and our social programs. I’ve been wondering how to respond, and how to help my children and those around me respond, to these uncertain times. I believe [...]

Tips for these uncertain times2018-08-28T00:06:53+00:00

The Power of Authenticity + Care

2018-09-29T05:50:00+00:00

Where in your life do you stay silent and not show up fully? What prevents you from showing up? Do you wonder if it is possible to be intensely authentic and real and yet hold care for everyone in the situation? Most of you reading this article have never seen me. If you don’t know me, I’m Afro Caribbean. I’m a large, dark-skinned black woman with very short hair who dresses very casually most times. I love the San Francisco Bay weather because it allows me to walk around in shorts and flip-flops for much of the year. This is [...]

The Power of Authenticity + Care2018-09-29T05:50:00+00:00

Leadership Lessons from the Civil Rights Movement

2018-09-29T06:14:46+00:00

My life is spent traveling between different lands. There is the land of my NVC family. This land is full of people who have abundant hope, who believe change is possible. Some focus on individual change – making their lives and the lives of people in their families and communities better – while others focus on trying to create change in the systems around them. They all believe that change is possible. There is also the land of my county job – a land of disenfranchised men and women, many of them homeless, mentally ill, addicted to drugs, with few [...]

Leadership Lessons from the Civil Rights Movement2018-09-29T06:14:46+00:00

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