Download PDF I have a dear friend who has become a treasured empathy buddy. Once a week, we call each other and share what’s going in our world. Many times, I explore big challenges with her – my ongoing difficulty in finding meaning since my son’s death; the at times crippling self-doubt that is my legacy of internalized racism. Other times, we focus on smaller celebrations and worries – the success of my first garden, my teen’s amazing foray into baking that was accompanied by a completely cleaned kitchen (not sure which was the greater miracle!). Usually these conversations flow [...]
About roxymanningThis author has not yet filled in any details.
So far roxymanning has created 16 blog entries.
Download pdfs in English, Italian. Even in the midst of all that is moving in the world, three experiences left me particularly shaken today. Each gave clarity about what NVC can offer in the midst of these times, and where we need to be vigilant. Here are the three events that shaped my day. I awoke this morning to a post by a white friend to an NVC listserv. She asked that white members in our group pause and post any messages about the most recent murders of Black Americans to a subgroup that had been created for white people. [...]
Download PDF COVID-19 has been devastating for people across the United States. As I read news story after story, with each conversation I had with clients, students, friends, I realized our world would never be the same. And, even more despairingly, I saw some groups bear a greater burden in this pandemic than others. I witnessed with a breaking heart the treatment of my Asian American brethren. I watched my own fear rise as the data piled up documenting the devastating impact of the pandemic in the Black community. I saw discourse that ignored the unequal impact of the disease, [...]
At a retreat, I supported a conversation between two men who had experienced a break in connection. One man of Chinese and European descent – let’s call him Chris – shared the pain he experienced growing up in a primarily European community. He shared the taunts he had experienced, having people use slurs and language that insulted people from Chinese backgrounds, that made fun of the shape of their eyes, the tone of their skin. He was sharing this experience with a European-descent man – let’s call him Robin – to help Robin understand the needs that were going unmet [...]
In NVC circles, there are several topics that are often raised when someone behaves in a way that’s painful to another person. Discussions come up about the toxicity of shame, about how feedback that’s harsh and judgmental directly counters NVC principles. People dismiss and actively seek to repress certain types of responses as counterproductive, asserting they stimulate shaming which does not produce change. There’s discussion about the importance of seeing each person’s humanity – looking for the needs beneath the person’s behavior, and gently trying to help them find more productive ways to meet their needs. There’s a repeated implicit [...]
How can nonviolent communication help us return to the powerful vision of social change for which Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. so strongly advocated and for which he died? How can we inspire ourselves to stand up for social change? Every time I hear stories from the civil rights movement, every time I look at images from that time, I wonder how the people, ordinary people just like you and me, were able to do the things they did. I think about our current times, when so many of us feel powerless, when I hear so many people say, “I’m [...]
"Where Are You From?" Q: I just started a new job. When I asked a coworker of Asian descent where they were from, they glared at me and said that was a microaggression. I was just trying to break the ice and don’t understand why they were upset. A: I’m guessing your coworker’s response was pretty confusing to you? I can imagine you were looking for an easy topic to introduce to get to know another person? Wanting to show interest and friendliness in the hopes of building connection in a new setting? I can imagine if those guesses [...]
"You're so articulate!" Q: I’m a dark skinned, black person with college educated parents and a college degree. I'm met again and again with surprise from white people about the way I talk and the assumption that it means something about my intelligence and my character. What can I say to them that would begin to open their eyes to the fact that their assumptions are racist? A: I’m hearing how deeply frustrated you feel that people are surprised when you speak in a way they don’t assume is typical of black people. I can imagine so many reasons for your [...]
Roxy Manning, with Janey Skinner Nonviolent Communication (NVC) was developed, in part, because its founder, Marshall Rosenberg, was inspired by the work of Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. King and countless others who responded peacefully, yet powerfully, to vast systemic inequities and abuses. Dr. Rosenberg witnessed the transformative power that an active, courageous commitment to nonviolence could bring. Like Dr. King, he also believed that lasting transformation comes not just from creating external change, but working for that change from a place that embraces everyone’s humanity. As Dr. Rosenberg’s teachings of nonviolent communication spread, NVC has in many places shifted away from the [...]
Does this seem familiar? You’re in a meeting. Maybe it’s a workshop around equity and social justice issues, maybe it’s your community group holding a planning meeting for their next event. Pat makes a suggestion, and folks keep talking, ignoring the suggestion, proposing others. When Riley makes a similar suggestion, suddenly everyone is excitedly discussing the idea and expressing gratitude to Riley. As you see the dejected look on Pat’s face and notice Pat has stopped talking, you feel frustrated! You’ve seen this happen with Pat and Riley many times. And you see this behavior playing out repeatedly, with people [...]